[On phone]
Girl: I know you're not that into my sister, but she's really crushing on you.
Boy: Yeah, it's awkward.
Girl: She's in a rough spot. It's a lot to ask, but could you take her out and ... dissuade her, without rejecting her?
Boy: Wait a second. Are you asking me to show her a mediocre time?
Girl: I know it's a weird--
Boy: [Raising index finger.] No, no! This is the mission I was _born_ for.
Girl: I figured you could handle it.
Boy: One of my classic high-school dates coming up!
Girl: Oh God. Don't overdo it.
[Alt text: To anyone I've taken on a terrible date, this is retroactively my cover story.]
Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).
We did not invent the algorithm. The algorithm consistently finds Jesus. The algorithm killed Jeeves. The algorithm is banned in China. The algorithm is from Jersey. The algorithm constantly finds Jesus. This is not the algorithm. This is close.